Miss Descartes had been many places. Travelled many roads. But she felt a disturbance in the void… something was wrong, very wrong. She set the course of her Philosimotron for earth, to come to the aid of the call. For there was a great danger brewing. Over the past week there had been talk of bras and kets, and something was growing, planning in the dark. The Monk watched from UNIT control room. Their detectors were going haywire, spiking in the 30eV range, unusual readings. There were no explanations, and not even the mystics of Fundamentals of Solid State Physics could explain why these results were coming up. Miss Descartes was needed to explain them. If only she would arrive soon.
In the secret moon base, Captain Quantum had his preparations beginning. His minions, Miss Gallagher, Catwoman, and Essex boy sat round the great table. ‘It is time for us to begin. To discuss the plans for the beer cannon, which with we can rule the earth!’ The beers in the friendship were perfect fuel, and as such were sampled fully. But there is more to building a beer cannon than just 1 pub, so they moved onwards to the Ram and shackle, where more foul plans could be made. And plot they did. They would make their move soon, as to catch the world by surprise. In the ram and shackle they admires the magazine ‘plans’ on the walls, leaving their own markings on the table. Here they had furthered their designs, but soon they needed to work on a different part of the infamous beer cannon, the targeting chamber.
Can has real beer Cannon?
They headed to red rum, where as Essex Boy and Catwoman discussed the finer points of the philosophy of evil, and Captain Quantum and Miss Gallagher tested the finer points of precision aiming on the candles. A long and constant blowing steam was required, and duly noted for the future cannon power. But the drinks were expensive in red rum, and as such this was not the place to develop a masterplan. They travelled on to Wetherspoons, where their plans would be sealed in all finality, with more beer and lubrication of whiskey. But there was one final point yet to discuss. The finer point of tounging, apparently very important in the art of world annihilation, and now it was time, for the plan was ready. And no one could stop them!
This is what I like to tongue. One of the many instruments I enjoy to play
But the earth was not lost yet. Miss Descartes and her trusty companion The Cardinal dropped out of the void in the centre of Manchester. Soon they found their way to the Font of information, a place where they could scout for information on the disturbance. They met with cricket girl, a representative from UNIT who told them of the anomalous signals. While sampling the wide variety of different ‘sensory aids’ on offer they also made another acquisition. Miss Gallagher arrived and gave them the secret location of Captain Quantum’s underground layer. She had been working as an undercover reporter and stumbled across this information. And now it was time to act. Finishing their drinks as quickly as possible (maybe slightly TOO quickly for some!) they left and headed towards Sub-Space, where they would make their move.
Captain Quantum waited inside. The fools were going to attempt to steal his moment of glory, where his mighty beer cannon would rule the world. Mwahahaha!
Miss Descartes and the crew jumped down the stairs and entered the basement. There was a strange, mysterious fog floating through the air. The sound of the 90s subtly filtered through the musky air. They would need to act fast in order to avoid a disaster, and save the world from the beer cannon. So they rapidly contacted the management, and removed all suitable beer power, replacing it with Carlesberg. Whilst bopping away to great 90s hits like the house of pain, they sauntered about, locating Captain Quantum for their final moves.
Carlsberg. Probably the best lager in the world, as long as you define the world by the Carlseberg factory
Captain Quantum stood the bar, and ordered a beer. But he wasn’t expecting the result. Dammed Carlesberg was not adequate fuel for his beer cannon. His plans had been foiled once again. He found the Miss Descartes, but it was too late for him to do anything. He could just stand by and watch whilst in a madness of dancing, all his plans were laid to ruin. So they got in a cab and went home.
Black cabs are capable of altering the time field. Time is always measured to the rate it passes on the cabbies clock. The one universal constant
Back at UNIT headquarters people celebrated in the fashion of all humans, with copious amounts of pancakes, sugar and chocolate. A great deal of discussion was made as to what faces were the best, and in the end everything ended peacefully. But how long would the peace remain?
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Quote of the week
‘Well I have this hat…’
Essex boy on hats
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Word of the week
Minified
As in
‘I saw Marion Birch so I magnified, but then she started talking about Dynamics so I Minified’
