Everyday I am bombarded with information. Not including the regular daily lectures, I am bombarded with emails from the university, news from the BBC and all the other notices we are required to heed. How much do we really take in, and how much do we really need to know?
From 6-9:15 every day the BBC show their award winning Breakfast show. Despite the fact its a loop of about half an hour of news, many people sit down to watch this every morning. We are told the exacting details of every war we are currently engaged in, the most recent world disasters, and how we are all inevitably going to die. I can appreciate the need to publicize certain events in order to raise public awareness, but it is not the best start to the day. I would enjoy an experiment to see how changing what you watch in the morning changes how you feel at the end of the day. I might make it an effort these next few weeks. Instead of being socially aware, I will try and do something positive every morning in an attempt to lighten my day. It might just make a day that much more relaxing. I'll report my results in the Easter. There might even be graphs...
Excessive emails. We all have them. Anyone who's attempted to contact a lecturer knows the pain that can ensure (Steve Watts). But I can't blame them, every day I blatantly disregard the numerous emails from university on gigs, some course material and almost everything that doesn't immediately grab my attention. Those which need responding get put on hold. I can only guess that this is some kind of self defence mechanism we have to protect us from the array of different information presented to us, we disregard everything that doesn't immediately stick in our head. But this isn't always a good thing, so much important stuff gets filtered out. And sometimes these filters go on overkill and also remove real information in the real world. Like an over zealous anti-virus software.
Is lecturing a good method anyway?
There is only one way to solve this problem. Well. Apart from using size 36 RED ARIAL for emails, and shouting something at people so they remember it. We need conciseness, an email should merely be the abstract of the full paper. "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." A quote by Albert Einstein. For example, the listings of university events should not be emailed round, nobody reads them. Instead the external links should be available, and readily searched. The news should be brief and to the point, with statistics collaborated. And maybe sometimes we email we should try to make ours more concise and clear too. Shame that this principle is not applied by so many at the moment. It would certainly make Coronation street an easier place to live...
Today I learnt all about... urm... the different applications of Hartree theory. Something that has been very useful in finding out stuff. Like chemistry. And that's just one of the amazing facts I learnt today. Not that I can remember it all. My brain has only so much room for stuff. If we want to live in the modern era we need to summarise stuff, not try and remember all of it, or none of it. Summaries are the way forward. Rant over...
Miss Descartes had been many places. Travelled many roads. But she felt a disturbance in the void… something was wrong, very wrong. She set the course of her Philosimotron for earth, to come to the aid of the call. For there was a great danger brewing. Over the past week there had been talk of bras and kets, and something was growing, planning in the dark. The Monk watched from UNIT control room. Their detectors were going haywire, spiking in the 30eV range, unusual readings. There were no explanations, and not even the mystics of Fundamentals of Solid State Physics could explain why these results were coming up. Miss Descartes was needed to explain them. If only she would arrive soon.
See I can do science me!
In the secret moon base, Captain Quantum had his preparations beginning. His minions, Miss Gallagher, Catwoman, and Essex boy sat round the great table. ‘It is time for us to begin. To discuss the plans for the beer cannon, which with we can rule the earth!’ The beers in the friendship were perfect fuel, and as such were sampled fully. But there is more to building a beer cannon than just 1 pub, so they moved onwards to the Ram and shackle, where more foul plans could be made. And plot they did. They would make their move soon, as to catch the world by surprise. In the ram and shackle they admires the magazine ‘plans’ on the walls, leaving their own markings on the table. Here they had furthered their designs, but soon they needed to work on a different part of the infamous beer cannon, the targeting chamber.
Can has real beer Cannon?
They headed to red rum, where as Essex Boy and Catwoman discussed the finer points of the philosophy of evil, and Captain Quantum and Miss Gallagher tested the finer points of precision aiming on the candles. A long and constant blowing steam was required, and duly noted for the future cannon power. But the drinks were expensive in red rum, and as such this was not the place to develop a masterplan. They travelled on to Wetherspoons, where their plans would be sealed in all finality, with more beer and lubrication of whiskey. But there was one final point yet to discuss. The finer point of tounging, apparently very important in the art of world annihilation, and now it was time, for the plan was ready. And no one could stop them!
This is what I like to tongue. One of the many instruments I enjoy to play
But the earth was not lost yet. Miss Descartes and her trusty companion The Cardinal dropped out of the void in the centre of Manchester. Soon they found their way to the Font of information, a place where they could scout for information on the disturbance. They met with cricket girl, a representative from UNIT who told them of the anomalous signals. While sampling the wide variety of different ‘sensory aids’ on offer they also made another acquisition. Miss Gallagher arrived and gave them the secret location of Captain Quantum’s underground layer. She had been working as an undercover reporter and stumbled across this information. And now it was time to act. Finishing their drinks as quickly as possible (maybe slightly TOO quickly for some!) they left and headed towards Sub-Space, where they would make their move.
Captain Quantum waited inside. The fools were going to attempt to steal his moment of glory, where his mighty beer cannon would rule the world. Mwahahaha!
Miss Descartes and the crew jumped down the stairs and entered the basement. There was a strange, mysterious fog floating through the air. The sound of the 90s subtly filtered through the musky air. They would need to act fast in order to avoid a disaster, and save the world from the beer cannon. So they rapidly contacted the management, and removed all suitable beer power, replacing it with Carlesberg. Whilst bopping away to great 90s hits like the house of pain, they sauntered about, locating Captain Quantum for their final moves.
Carlsberg. Probably the best lager in the world, as long as you define the world by the Carlseberg factory
Captain Quantum stood the bar, and ordered a beer. But he wasn’t expecting the result. Dammed Carlesberg was not adequate fuel for his beer cannon. His plans had been foiled once again. He found the Miss Descartes, but it was too late for him to do anything. He could just stand by and watch whilst in a madness of dancing, all his plans were laid to ruin. So they got in a cab and went home.
Black cabs are capable of altering the time field. Time is always measured to the rate it passes on the cabbies clock. The one universal constant
Back at UNIT headquarters people celebrated in the fashion of all humans, with copious amounts of pancakes, sugar and chocolate. A great deal of discussion was made as to what faces were the best, and in the end everything ended peacefully. But how long would the peace remain?
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Quote of the week
‘Well I have this hat…’
Essex boy on hats
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Word of the week
Minified
As in
‘I saw Marion Birch so I magnified, but then she started talking about Dynamics so I Minified’
As the hazardous marshes that were the exams slowly passed behind them, Captain Quantum prepared for the journey ahead of him. Joined by Miss Gallagher and guided by Miss Descartes, they slowly climbed the mountain, as they headed with all due haste towards the pass of Heale Greene, where they would gain entry to the foul land that lay beyond. As they slowly worked their way south they could feel their distance from home. But just as they were nearing the top... Miss Descartes started to run ahead. And before long she was gone, leaving Captain Quantum and Miss Gallagher to their own devices in the foul lair of the Monk. As they quickly drank their wine to keep them going they became separated, lost in the cave. Captain Quantum didn't know where to go, with all the wine around him he was completely lost, and alone. It was at this point that the Monk moved in for the kill, while Miss Descartes watched from afar, waiting for the moment to snatch the one bling...
Miss Gallagher flitted through the caves of wine and cheese, the sound of spottify in the background, hearing other voices approach. The Tensorator, Lord Pylon, Mr Twinnings, Jackson 6, Catwoman and others in the distance. But first she had to find Captain Quantum, for there was great danger approaching... But how foul she did not know. The Monk watched the confused Captain Quantum move between bottles of wine, and slowly moved to intercept him. This one would be a tasty snack... Captain Quantum was lost, and soon enough he was stuck by a bottle of win. In an attempt to break free he vaguely swung out with the cheese knife. But it was to know avail. The Monk swooped from a hiding place armed with lethal black absinthe, and soon Captain Quantum was helpless and asleep. But he was not alone, for at this very moment, Miss Gallagher stumbled upon the scene...
The evil Monk preys on his pray. No one knows why he turned evil. Some say he once his heart was broken. Others say that it was too much cocaine. Who will ever know?
Using a clever combination of grapes as projectiles, and the light of beer, she fought off the Monk, who retreated to his lair where his many friends awaited. She ran to the form, surrounded by wine bottles on the floor, and looked upon Captain Quantum's wretched near dead body...Terrified, she grabbed the one Bling and ran to hide. She watched as the group gathered around him. They talked, poking him with a long straw, and wrapping him up in a sleeping bag. 'He'll sober up soon, The Monk, likes to stun his pray' exclaimed the Tensorator. 'He believes if you eat them while they're alive then you gain all their knowlage. We had better take him back to the tower...' . Damn, thought Miss Gallagher, he wasn't dead after all. She slowly began to follow the group as they dragged Captain Quantu back to the tower in the distance.
Far in the distance... Kagi was preparing for a long journey. With thoughts of his friends, Captain Quantum, Miss Gallagher, and Miss Descartes, he began his journey through the mountains of Rusholme in order to resurrect XXXX, the army of the dead.It was a cold and dark night, and a ghostly chill went down his spine. He drank the first pint, and summoned the mountain to send forth its ghosts. He had his second pint, and called for them to fulfil their oath, and to ensure they didn't spill anyone's drink. A third time he drank, summoning the horde with the sword, and explained the relativity paradox. And a last time he drank! And this time the army came forth, so he headed on for the coming battle. The armies of darkness were marching on the city of his forefathers... the Schuster building.
Tasty ghost raising beer
It was a long dark morning that rose over the Schuster building. As the unwilling faces walked in, they were greeted by grim tidings 'A fell army is on its way!' exclaimed Dr Xian, 'in the form of a very hard thermal and statistical physics paper!'. The drums could be heard in the distance as the group of complex vectors slowly crept towards the stronghold. Rumour had it that the army was in fact lead by the most feared warrior, the great Leahy. It wasn't long before the bras and kets started raining down upon the worn defenders. But it would be a long time before the main attack came. Complex variables smashed into the iron wrought doors. But we held still, not moving an inch. We still had lab report to do, and as such needed to keep on going.
Paddy Leahys Facebook DP. STAND IN FEER!
By Wednesday the siegehad gone on longer than anyone had expected, and with the finishing of the lab report, the defenders retreated into the inner keep. The Great Leahy arrived, and smote down the Monk in all his glory. But the battle was not lost. Soon the horsemen of solid state arrived, and drove back the hordes. In a great moment, the warrior Michell smote Leahy. But their initial victory was to no avail. Soon the feared Mumakil of optics had arrived. But then Kagi arrived with his hordes of XXX, and stuffed their lives from the battlefield. The battle was won, a whole week survived. But the war was not. All their hopes lay in Miss Gallagher and Captain Quantum, travelling slowly towards Fallowfield. It was on the day of lab, they marched to the gates of fallowfield in order to provide a distraction to allow them easy passage.
Miss Gallagher slowly worked her way up to the tower of the friendship. There was a great deal of shouting coming from inside, a loud racked from those drinking and fighting within. She entered, and was soon surprised by catwoman, whoshrunk away in fear from the pint of beer that she wielded. Miss Gallagher slowly climbed the tower, and heard people talking above. 'Its my shiny JD and coke!' exclaimed the Tensorator, 'Course it is, why would anyone want to buy a £4 JD and coke?' replied The Projectionist. Miss Gallagher stepped up to the mark, and by using the AMAZING power of Oasis, she blasted the two out of the way. She went up to the very top of the tower, and freed Captain Quantum from his bonds. It was going to be a long journey to their final place, the pinnacle of their journey, The Great Central. Little did they realise, Mr Tetley fled with knowledge of their passing.
What the Power of Oasis looks like, when not performed by a proffesional
The journey was long and cold to The Great Central, but they were buoyed on by the last sips of whiskey they had kept. As they eventually finished their whiskey they reached the entrance to the mountain. They entered, and stood upon the precipice, looking down into the fiery pits of abbot ale. But then, Captain Quantum did not do what he should've. instead of casting the bling into the fire, he turned to Miss Gallagher and placed on the one Bling upon himself, and vanished. But in that last moment, Miss Descartes appeared from nowhere and jumped on Captain Quantum, and bit off the one Bling, falling into the fire and destroying it. They had won at last!!!
